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Rockford's Nutrition FAQ's

 
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johnomg
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Joined: 12 Jan 2009
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 14, 2009 3:57 am    Post subject: Rockford's Nutrition FAQ's Reply with quote

Rockford's Nutrition FAQs

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it ....don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat, hay and corn. And what are these, vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). A pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain: Good.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact! They are permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?
A: Thicker gravy.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO. Cocoa beans.....another vegetable!!! "It's the best feel-good food around!"

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Have a cookie....flour is a veggie!

One more thing: "When life hands you lemons, ask for a bottle of tequila and salt."
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Arno
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 14, 2009 8:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I thought Rockford eats only 3 things: dirt, diamonds and open exits! Laughing
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johnomg
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 15, 2009 5:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Maybe Rockford is looking to improve his Diet by searching Cabbage Patchs Wink

It can be called: Rockford - The Gas Attack Thumbsup
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Sendy
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 15, 2009 5:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Farting could be a new way of moving boulders Embarassed
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johnomg
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 15, 2009 7:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sendy wrote:
Farting could be a new way of moving boulders Embarassed


Idea Even better yet, have a space with a Flame in it, Rockford backs into it, pops off and is jet propelled across the cave to beat the growing Amobea Laughing
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cirix
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 15, 2009 7:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sendy wrote:
Farting could be a new way of moving boulders Embarassed
Well, if I would code it in a way that when pressing fire+left, rockford turns right (only graphically, of course), and pressing fire+right, rockford turns left, it would exactly look like that. Twisted Evil
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Sendy
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 16, 2009 1:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

cirix wrote:
Sendy wrote:
Farting could be a new way of moving boulders Embarassed
Well, if I would code it in a way that when pressing fire+left, rockford turns right (only graphically, of course), and pressing fire+right, rockford turns left, it would exactly look like that. Twisted Evil


That's how I envisioned it as well Smile

Maybe you could put it in as an easter egg Laughing
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johnomg
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 16, 2009 6:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

If you give Rockford a Beer Belly, allow him to scratch his Butt and Belch then you could call it the Aussie Version Wink
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cirix
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 16, 2009 2:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

johnomg wrote:
If you give Rockford a Beer Belly, allow him to scratch his Butt and Belch then you could call it the Aussie Version Wink
Scratching his butt one time (instead of blinking), his belly at the other (instead of foot tapping), and sometimes both at the same time Smile
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